Did Dad Know? - Part I

  One of the most perplexing questions I have is whether or not my dad learned who his father was.   If he did, it was following the burial of his mother in February 1985.  My grandmother died suddenly following an aneurysm.  Actually, I remember when the call came in.  I was over at my parent's house and it was lunch time on the weekend.  My father leaned against the wall of the kitchen, while on the phone, with his head bowed.  When he hung up the phone, I remember asking what was wrong.  He was slow to respond and obviously upset.  I remember he quietly said he was just getting to know her and his voice cracked as he spoke and I sensed the profound loss in that statement.  The loss of what would never be.  The loss of a mother. 



Clayborn, Clarence & Esther 1977

   Dad went to the funeral alone as money was tight for my folks.  Also, my grandmother owned property so there would be an estate to start talking about, so he would be longer than just a day or so.  Being newly married,  I had no extra cash and I had just seen Grandma at my wedding.  So, everything I'm sharing is based on what I was told from my mother or my Dad's youngest sister, my Aunt Patty. 

Note that the first two paragraphs above were written on 2/3/13.  It is  5/4/25 and I just logged in and found this blog unpublished.  I still don't know the answer to this question, 12 years later.  I will tell you that I know not knowing who his father was left a tremendous hole in my father's life.  Even if my grandmother was trying to protect my dad from rejection (my daughter's wise summary of the situation), which may likely be true, it still left a void.  The absence of his mother during those early years,(She went to work during the week in Kansas City to send money home.) left an even greater void.  

The 1950 census showed Pansy Hubbell, declaring herself a widow, at the young age of 30, which while possible, is not accurate.  Rather, she gave birth out-of-wedlock to my dad on May 11, 1940, and named him James Thurston Hubbell, after her father and his father.  While I will not understand the circumstances of her relationship with my grandfather, Thurston Clayborn, I do know that she fell in love at the young age of 19.  

I added the photograph of Clarence and Esther, as they were a key to alot about our family.  Clarence used to check on my dad and my uncle.  At least that is what my Aunt Mae told me when I met her.  She said that Clarence was the one that came to her one weekend to tell her about the boys.  She told him she already knew about them.  He talked about my dad being in the Navy and about being careful about approaching my uncle.  She had pictures of my dad and uncle I had never seen.